Hard to see your child crying.....

Today we took Hope to the neurologist.  We made this appointment a few weeks ago after the family doctor we saw suggested it.  We have noticed some developmental delays. More social and emotional delays than anything.  We told Hope last night she would be going and Maggie would not.  BIG mistake.  She was so upset.  She did not like that she had to go and Maggie did not.

This morning we all got up early.  Bill & I left with Hope. She was still saying "NO DOCTOR.....Maggie...."  We put a Chinese DVD in the van and she was happy.  We arrived at the doctors office and she was still saying "NO DOCTOR!".  They wanted to do an EEG.  She was NOT happy.  The tech was great. And guess what???  She spoke Mandarin.  And no, she was not Chinese.  God was here for us!  And for Hope.

Bill was standing with Hope and she was not happy.  But she did not put up a fight.  The tech put the probes all over her head.  Then the tears came. And would not stop. She cried THE WHOLE TIME.  She did not fight. Just cried. And then cried for Maggie.  Over & over again.  This went on for about 30 minutes.  Bill & I switched places and I just held her hand, rubbed her tummy and kissed her hand. I prayed over her, asking God to just give her peace.  She started to calm down.  But never stopped crying.  This broke my heart.  I sat there wondering if this brought back memories of her surgery in China.  Wondering if she was comforted during that time (guessing probably not). And then I got upset, thinking about her in China after surgery all alone.

The EEG was over. Hope calmed down.  She wanted to be held.  So Bill picked her up. We went to wait for the doctor.  A PA came in and talked with us for about an hour.  Good news......EEG looked normal.  Bad news???  We still don't know why Hope is behaving this way.

Honestly I'm starting to think that her behavior is because she needs it.  I mean, I've heard how kids need to experience every stage of development to move on to the next. And I'm starting to think that Hope was not able to be a "normal" toddler.  Now that she has a mom & dad, she NEEDS the attention that toddlers receive.  Yes, it's hard when a 13 year old acts like a 4 year old.  And I pray that if we do give her what she needs, that she will progress and move on to the next stage of development.  Hope does not act like this for others (that I know of).  So I think that she does it for us because she needs this from us.

Yes, it's hard. Yes, it's exhausting parenting a 13 year old toddler who wants all of our attention.  BUT I have to remind myself that she NEEDS this.  We just need to figure out how to meet her needs and the needs of our other kids at the same time.  Please pray about this for us.  Pray that we can have the understanding to help Hope and pray that we can have the patience when our day seems never-ending with the toddler demands.

For now, we are just taking it day by day.  The neurologist wants us to see a pediatric psychologist.  Well we need her to have the understanding of the English language first.  They also want to do an MRI. We are waiting for that, since they said that might not show anything either.  Hope still has an EKG scheduled for next week to check if she does have a heart murmur.  After that, we are taking a break from doctors until the new year.  Then we will address her cleft needs.

Hope is a precious girl. She loves to hug. She loves to laugh. She loves to get attention. She loves to be loved.  We are thankful that God chose us to be her parents.  Even in the hard moments, we know that she was meant to be our daughter, and that we were meant to be her parents.  Yes there are days when we do not feel equipped to parent her, and we wonder "What was God thinking when He chose us??"  But we know He has plans for all of us.  So we are taking it one day at a time.