"An invisible red thread connects those destined to meet, regardless of time, place, or circumstances. The thread may stretch or tangle, but never break." -Ancient Chinese Proverb
Why did we chose adoption?: Honestly, we did not choose adoption. Adoption chose us. Growing up I always wanted to get married and have babies. Part of me worried that I would not be able to have babies. I think everyone worries about that. When we were ready to start our family, it took 1 month and I had a positive pregnancy test. I was told by a doctor that I was pregnant. He gave me a due date. A month later I went in for my normal check up. They did an ultrasound. He said “have you had bleeding? There is no baby”. No, I never bled. Turns out, I was never pregnant. I had a false pregnancy test. What was shocking, is he did an exam during the first appointment and confirmed I was pregnant. He was wrong. After grieving the child we thought we were having, we started trying again. And then it took us a year and a half to get pregnant with Tiffani. We were overjoyed. We just assumed we could keep having babies. When Tiffani was almost 2, we decided to try for another child. We tried for 7 years. 7 long years. It was heartbreaking. I was diagnosed with endometriosis, which my doctor said should not be why I’m not getting pregnant. I was asked by my doctor “are you still with the same man who is the father of your child?” (yes, that was a humiliating question) BTW, yes, I was still with “the same man”. :-) I was put on Clomid several times. I was on a high dose. Still no pregnancy. After a few years, the doctors just said “We have no idea why you are not getting pregnant.”. Bill & I decided that we were not going to go to extreme measures to get pregnant. So we started to talk about adoption.
We talked about International adoption. I looked at China. But I was not 30 yet. China requires that you are 30 to start the process. So we looked at domestic adoption. We talked to a counselor. We left feeling sad. She did not help us much. Basically we left feeling we would be raising someone else’s child. We felt lost. After a few more years of trying to get pregnant, we decided to give up and look at adoption again. We called a few agencies and attorney’s. The doors were closing. Nobody was helping us. We were not getting anywhere.
How & why did we chose China: It was my 31st birthday weekend. We were at Disney. We were putting together a “birth mom” album (just in case). Bill said “lets go to the countries in Epcot. Tiff is old enough now to do this” (she was 8). We went into China. Watched the movie. We walked out and Bill said to me “Are you thinking what I’m thinking?” I said “Um, no. What are you thinking?” He said “We have a daughter in China”. I could not believe it. So we came home, googled China Adopions and 2 agencies came up. We emailed both of them. 20 min later 1 emailed us and Bill called them. 2 days later we were meeting with them and we left knowing that we needed to go to China. We had a daughter waiting.
12 months later we received the phone call we were waiting for. “Congratulations, you have a beautiful baby girl. She just turned 1 two days ago. Her name is Wu Yu and she’s in the Sichuan Province”. We read her file, and she was born 1 week after that Epcot trip. Our red thread to Abby. We had chills. God chose us to be her parents right before she was born. He was there, looking out for her even before she was born. We knew that she was meant to be our daughter.
Bill said “if it’s this easy, I think we should adopt again”. As soon as we were allowed (6 months after Abby came home) we applied to adopt again. A month later we found Jadyn’s referral. Her birthday is Dec 15, the day after Bills. Our Red Thread to Jadyn. 9 months later we were in China meeting Jadyn. Our family was complete. So we thought.
Summer of 2008 Bill went to China to help with Bring Me Hope. They run summer camps for the orphans. He came home wanting to adopt. I wanted a son. He wanted an older child. He gave in and we started the process to adopt a son. In July 2009 we received Ethan’s referral. His birthday is Oct 18th. The date I was given 15 years before by the doctor who said I was pregnant. I now know that 15 years later our son would be born. Our red thread to Ethan.
Our family was complete. Ha ha! Nope. Bill went to China again last summer with Bring Me Hope. I prepared myself before he left that we would adopt again. And he was IN CHINA trying to start the process for one of the kids they were with. We found out that she already had a family waiting. But Bill was still drawn to adopting the older child. I had a peace about it. We talked to our agency and looked at a few kids. Then we stopped looking. We were getting overwhelmed. One day, I said “how hard would it be to adopt 2?” Bill’s jaw dropped. An hour later, we looked at our agency’s list and 2 girls showed up. They were in the same orphanage. We asked to see their files. Their names were Iris & Haley (our agency gave them these names). We were still unsure about adopting 2. Then we were told “Their names are actually Hope & Maggie”. We knew at that moment they were our daughters. We had said, if we adopted again, we would name our daughter Hope (after Bring Me Hope). We know God was telling us “she is your daughter too.” When we read their files, we also read that they were admitted to the hospital for their surgeries on November 8, 2004. We could not believe this. This was the EXACT day that we were meeting Abigail for the first time. We knew, this was our red thread to Hope & Maggie.
Why China?: The answer is simple. Because this is where our children are. God told us to go. And we listened.
Would we do it again?: I think it’s pretty obvious that yes, we would do it again. They are our children. Even though I did not give birth to them, they are ours. We love them as much as we love our biological daughter. I look at my kids and think of all the possibilities they have now, all because of adoption. If they were still in China, growing up in an orphanage, they would not know the love of a mother and father, they would not know what family means, they would not know that Jesus loves them, they would not have the opportunity to accept Jesus as their Savior. Adoption has given our children a life. Adoption has given Bill & I a home full of beautiful children. Adoption has not only blessed our kids, but has also blessed us. We are forever changed becasue of adoption. Adoption is awesome. I feel like I would have missed out on so much if we did not follow God’s call and stepped out in faith in adoption.
I love talking about adoption. I could talk all day. We have helped several families get through the paperchase. I love watching families grow through adoption.
I know people are scared that they won’t be able to love a child that is not biologically theirs. Especially if they have biological children. Let me tell you, we fell in love with a PHOTO! We knew the moment we saw each of our children’s photo that they were ours. And a love poured over us. Just like when we saw Tiffani for the first time. It’s hard to explain. But it is possible to love an adopted child just like a biological child.
People are also scared of the cost. Yes, there is not adoption insurance (like health insurance) to help pay for it. BUT, there are tax breaks, grants you can apply for, you can do garage sales and fundraisers. There is a way to help with the cost.
Don’t let fear get in the way of following God’s plan. If you have ever considered adoption, I say “take the leap of faith”.
And anyone who welcomes a little child like this on my behalf is welcoming me.
I tell you the truth, when you did it to one of the least of these my brothers and sisters, you were doing it to me!
Father to the fatherless, defender of widows — this is God, whose dwelling is holy. God places the lonely in families.
Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.